Debi’s Story

One of the best things this breast cancer experience has given me has been Maggie’s Creative Writing Team. An eclectic bunch of right-brain thinkers lead by the dedicated and inspirational Clare Stuart. So, here is my story, but not in the conventional manner.

Global pandemic summer,

Peaceful days, manual labour,

Hands put to task, found a lump,

Left breast, rounded corners,

Solid, unyielding,

Merry spikes of pain.

The sun shines,

The flowers explode

My mind chews the lump,

It can’t be ignored.

I confide in my friends,

My partner,

The doctor.

 

I walk to the hospital,

Bouncing along paths in shorts and vest.

Hot, oven breezes.

I am fit, I feel healthy,

Don’t worry about things

That may never happen.

Things happen.

The results are in

It’s not good.

Sad reassuring smiles

behind masks.

On my own. Very alone.

 

54 years of vitality, smashed.

Surprised? No, not really.

Why not me? Why not you?

This is just an inconvenience,

Time to dig deep, crack on.

 

Close friends and family rally,

Team Lester kicks in.

A new world of sharp scratches,

Skilful empathetic nurses.

On the ward, I love everybody I meet,

But I don’t want to be here.

 

Toxins fed through a tube

Who knew?

The magic juice of life,

Feeling as close to death as I’ve ever been.

I’m between whizzing around cleaning at 3am

And lying on a sofa, inanimate, green of gills,

Diet of Hula-Hoops and pineapple juice.

 

Level one complete

Weak body, frozen mind,

Fabulous news

An almost complete response

It’s real, but none of this feels real.

Next level time.

 

Tummy tit.

Technical name.

Mastectomy followed by

DIEP Flap reconstruction

The A-Team at work.

Go to sleep with a rotten boob,

Wake up with a new perkier one.

Waves of gratitude, ripples of pain.

 

Positive outlook, stutters, returns

Since the start of this sh—show

My bones tell me I’m going to be okay

Whatever the outcome

I lost control and have learned to let go,

Grasping at life is different to living it.

 

Treatment lingers,

But the prognosis is good,

Clear margins,

Clear lymph nodes,

Mind cleansed.

 

Cancer is a fairground,

Roller coaster of emotions,

Waltzers of dizzying information,

Merry go rounds of old friends getting off

and new ones getting on.

Opportunites arise,
I’ve learned to say yes.
This life is far too precious to say no.
The Maggie’s On The Runway extravaganza,
New experience, new friends.
Another positive from the negative.

Heartfelt thanks.