Louise’s Story

I was diagnosed with breast cancer following a routine mammogram in early 2015 at the age of 51 (thus highlighting the benefits of attending any screening offered). I had a mastectomy and got on with my life returning to work as a community palliative care nurse.  

I say I got on with my life - it's always there - in the background - my manager at work said I was 'lost'. I eventually got back on my feet with great support from colleagues and friends and despite still enjoying my job I decided at 55 to take early retirement, returning to work very part time. I am so grateful for that decision as I took some great holidays, started looking after myself more and then ….just as I was due to be discharged from my yearly hospital visits in 2020, I found a very small lump on the same side as last time - to everyone's surprise - even my Consultant, it had come back , this time in a more aggressive form.

So, they threw the lot at me - more surgery, chemotherapy, radiotherapy, hormone therapy, immunotherapy, bone treatments.  I've just completed 8 months of treatment and still going and boy it's tough.  Not just tough on me but my family and especially my two boys and daughter Katie who has Down’s Syndrome and who has struggled to understand what’s going on. My eldest John moved up from London for three months to look after me and Katie. Mattie my youngest managed to get a 2:1 degree despite doing a lot of it from Manchester instead of Nottingham.  

My mum has mild dementia so I couldn’t tell her what I was going on. therefore, lockdown was almost a blessing as I couldn’t visit her or she would have known I wasn’t well and I didn’t want to upset her again every time I saw her.

I've lost my hair (and those of you who know me will know I had a lot of hair!!) My self-confidence is currently rock bottom, my body image is zero and the left side of my upper body is like a map of the world.  It’s been a lonely time as well going into appointments on my own because of Covid - dropped off at the door by my good friend Jo.

To all of you who have supported me and my little family already in so many ways - thank you from the bottom of my heart!

There's a Maggie's centre opposite the Christie hospital - a beautiful building filled with lovely stuff and lovely people who can look after you and the people you care about.  I'm not feeling very lovely at the moment but I'm going to be a model for the Maggie's on the Runway show on 16th October, along with around fifty other people who have all sorts of different experiences with cancer and its effects.  We're going to strut our stuff beneath the wings of Concorde and Rick Astley will be there - oh my!!

This is massive for me - I can't pretend I'm in any fit state to run a marathon, climb a mountain - I've already done the head shave!!!  Every day of normal stuff is a challenge at the moment - changing the bed - I usually end up having a nap, getting ready to go out (I usually end up having a nap) cooking a meal can turn into beans on toast and I’m usually in my PJ’s by five o’clock. Doing the Runway in a posh frock, glammed up with hair (ha ha) and makeup will be such a scary treat.

I’m thankful for so many things and glad I retired or I would have been cross if I hadn’t because the cancer still came back. I appreciate a life worth living, enjoy wallowing in the glow from my wonderful children, love that at 58 I still have fabulous relationships with my sisters; value the many - yes many valuable friendships I have - I do lunches a lot rather than nights on the town now. 

I’ve had cancer twice and still here to tell the tale - it may still get me eventually but I’m not  sitting here waiting for it - the experience has taught me so much about valuing what I have and not what I haven’t!